You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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