These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
