I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
