Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
