Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
