you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Actions speak louder than pants.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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