the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
it glows. i had to have it.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
