Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
