i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
