I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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