So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
