white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
