So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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