We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
