wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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