if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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