I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
