i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize