um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
