All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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