I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize