we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
