The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
