I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
