That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
