i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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