I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Acid is not a monday night drug
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
