I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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