i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
