I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She said her name was "party"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
