Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
