i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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