i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
