i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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