fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
