as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
