I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I think my vagina is haunted
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
