Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Randomize
