I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
