So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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