Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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