dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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