Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
