ya dads aren't the best wingmen
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
