My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
