if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he puts the penis in happiness.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
