Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
