on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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