Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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