Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
