Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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