We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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