Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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