is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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