For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
