his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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