low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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