she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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