Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
