im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
