One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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