I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Let's paint friendship bongs
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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