i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
