Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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