She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
