Midget sex pt 2 tonight
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
