I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize