I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
