The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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