She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
