I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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